I sat and stared at my computer screen for the longest time that day in January. I was trying to understand what had just caused me to do that which I had just done. Did I really just sign myself up for an OCR 5K? What in the world was I thinking? Somehow after my friend, Sheena asked me if I wanted to do The Survival Race with her I seemed to have lost all my common sense and agreed to run this race with her. I knew for certain that I was going to die in Ohio that weekend in March. I cringed as I reached for my cell phone to confirm with my best friend that she knew what to do with my life insurance money after that weekend.
That may seem quite dramatic to you but seriously I felt like I had just signed myself up to fail. I am not a runner by any definition of the word. Only recently had I began to take the steps necessary to start living a healthier lifestyle and that did not include the words run. The only experience that I had with any 5k was two years ago when I walked a race with a group of friends. By walked I really mean strolled as we laughed and posed for pictures the entire 3.14 miles. Besides the whole running part there was the whole challenge of the obstacles. I sat and searched the internet for pictures/videos of any past Survival Races I could find trying to decide if I could get all 250 lbs of me through each obstacle. Pretty certain I’d fail most of the obstacles and end up with my face in the mud. Ah the mud! Now that was the part I was looking forward to the most. Growing up in the country I love me some mud and it had been a while since I got to play in mud. That I decided was going to be the part I would focus on I was going to get covered in mud!! WHOOP WHOOP!!
Finally that first weekend in March had arrived. I had everything packed up and ready for the trip. I had no clue what to wear for the race so I packed every workout outfit I owned praying I’d figure out what to wear by the next morning. My nerves were shot from the stress and excitement of running my first OCR that next morning but I was determined if I was going to go down I was going to go down fighting. If there was one thing that I was completely certain about it was the fact that I was a fighter, a warrior and I wouldn’t go down without a fight. Ironic how I went from certain I was going to die and scared to death to feeling a sense of determination to give it my all in just a few months. I still thought failure was going to be the end result but I had decided to dig in deep and go in swinging. The conversation on the drive over with my good friend, Sheena Speaks, just cemented that drive in me even more. As we checked in the hotel that night for the first time excitement and determination was stronger in me than fear and failure. I feel asleep with a smile on my face knowing that next day I was going to come out on top.
BUZZZZZ BUZZZZZ went my alarm and with the ringing of the alarm all those fears and doubts came racing back to the surface. I was crazy to think that I could do this and I was crazy to believe that I was going to survive it. All that negative self-talk had once again taken over in my head. As I brushed my teeth I wondered how long it would take me to hitchhike back to Indianapolis. How long would it take before she realized I had skipped out? However the sound of her yelling something down to me from upstairs quickly brought me back to reality. I dressed after getting her opinion on what to wear. I decided that I was going to take with me on the course every person who has been influential in my life for the positive. So I wore a t-shirt that represented a group of friends who have walked with me and helped me grow as we work together on a low ropes course. It was in those friends that I first understood the power the people you surround yourself with have on your life. I wore my ring that spiritual mom had given me on my birthday. This ring represents my faith and every valley and mountain that I have traveled over the years. As I wrapped my pink bandana around my head I thought about my dear friend who was fighting breast cancer so bravely and I knew if she could walk through that valley in her life I could conquer this course. I would finish and it would be a victory for her and me both. I had to write the name of the gym where I had been pushed and encouraged over the last 7 months on my hand. I needed my trainer’s voice of encouragement and the push of her words to keep me going. Finally I threw on my Alabama Crimson Tide hoodie because I was determined to come out a champion just like my boys ofBama. I had once again found the warrior inside of me.
As I ran past the start line and got my high five from Arnold Swarzenegger the excitement inside me was overflowing. Running out the tent and around to the first ramp I felt invigorated maybe I could do this but by the middle of the third ramp I was huffing and puffing and failure was once again on my lips. I slowed down and saw that Sheena had slowed down with me. She had introduced me to Mark and Tracy Owens and Julia Rohs of the CornFed Spartan team before the race and they had all stopped when they realized I had stopped. I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff as I looked at the ground feeling like I was dragging everyone down with me. As I walked up the next three ramps I soon was introduced to what CornFed was all about. Mark told me since this was my first race that I was going to be the one setting the pace. All four vowed that I would finish this race even if they had to drag me across the finish line.
As the race continued I felt those negative thoughts fall off me once again. Tires done! Well that was easy…. Oh my, what is this big tube? I’m supposed to jump over that? Okay so I take a running start and slam into the tube. FAIL! My head screams I back up and try again up and over I go. Smiling I walk to the next obstacle with each obstacle I conquer I feel myself growing stronger. Oh look here’s the wall, as I look up at this massive wall in front of me I am certain I will not be capable of pulling myself up and over this thing. Of course there is a wait too so that I have plenty of time to talk myself back into failure. Suddenly it’s my turn to go up and over but then I remembered I was surrounded by a supportive team so I reached up and grabbed the wood pulling myself up each rung. Before I knew it I was up and over and coming back down the other side. I was actually going to survive this I thought to myself. With each obstacle these people who I had just meet were always reaching out a hand or word of encouragement to get me through the next obstacle. Who were these people? Why was I just now meeting them? I watched as they helped another lady over a tube and it was then that I knew I wanted to do another OCR with this team.
Walking across that finish line was like something out of a movie for me. It was a physical journey but even more it was an emotional journey. It was a journey of realizing that I have a lot of beliefs about myself that are holding me back and keeping me from so many things. It was a journey of learning that fear can be conquered. It was a journey to awaken that warrior that is deep inside of me who is looking forward to her next OCR race.
