Little did I know that the very next night I would find myself in a situation that would test just how willing I was to be real with you all throughout this process. You see I had all kinds of ideas in my head about how the battle was going to be won. I thought I knew exactly how things were going to go down. I thought I knew the feelings and emotions that I would have to face. I thought I knew the wounds that I needed cleaned out and bandages up so that healing could occur. What I didn't know was that very next night I would find myself bent over my toilet with my fingers jammed down my throat trying to expel my latest binge. I didn't expect that an old behavior would so quickly make an appearance. How had I found myself here again? With that one act I decided I couldn't possibly share this with everyone. What was I thinking when I made that decision? It's kinda comical how God works when my backs up against the wall He swoops in with His saving grace.
Within minutes of me leaving the bathroom to lay on my bed to analyze this whole thing I got a text from a very close friend which made my jaw drop. "I just binged horribly and now I want to force myself to vomit." I reread that text message over and over again trying to process what she had just said to me and how I was going to respond to her. In the end I responded with the truth about what I had just done and as hard as that was it ended up being the greatest thing I could have done. Through our conversation following we talked about what was really going on in our lives at the moment. We were able to be vulnerable within the mess. See I knew this journey would get messy I just didn't know that the mess would be that messy. This morning I saw Lecrae posted a quote on Facebook that stated if you refuse to endure struggle you refuse to embrace progress. WOW!! It's through the struggles like I found myself in that night that the progress is going to come. It was through that night that I allowed someone else into the depths of all the junk I've been trying to face alone or technically bury alone. My question is if you're wanting to see progress in an area of your life are you willing to endure the vulnerability it takes to be real with someone in your life? Who is that person that you can be real with? For me that night it took my friend sending the first text message for me to be willing to share where I really was that night. Who are you being vulnerable with? Perhaps someone in your life needs you to open up first so that they have the courage to share their struggles. I don't know if I would have worked through that night and have gotten to the place where I can post about that night if it hadn't been for her text first. Will you go first for someone today?
Holly, I love this. "Will you go first for someone today?" That's gonna stick with me for a long time.
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