What's That Stench?

A few weeks ago I got a phone call from my 3-yr old nephew. He had something extremely important to tell me that could not wait until I got home. “Hello Kaiden,” I excitedly said to him as I picked up the phone. I heard his little voice so thrilled to tell me, “that the hallway smelled like a big fart.” LOL!! Yes talking about bodily functions is one of the joys of being the Aunt to a little boy. If I am quite honest though those are some of my most favorite conversations with him. I laughed to myself as I hung up the phone thinking about his innocence and his ability to just call it like it is.
When I got home that evening the minute I opened the door to our apartment building that overwhelming stench hit me. Kaiden was so right the hallway outside our apartment smelled like someone had some major bad gas. I quickly opened the apartment door relieved that the smell had not permeated our apartment. When I left for work that night it seemed to me that the smell had gotten more intense.
It seemed to just keep getting stronger as the hours passed. I tried to decipher where it was coming from. Whose apartment was the offensive odor coming from? I finally convinced myself that someone had to have died in their apartment and we were smelling the after effects of that. I smelled around the door frame of the neighbor across the hall. YEP!! That was were the smell was coming from. Immediately my imagination went on this wild ride of her being robbed, beaten, shot and left for dead. Seriously am I the only one whose mind goes off on these crazy stories. I convinced myself that she was decomposing and that was the smell. Because now it now longer smelled like a fart but instead like the stench of death.
Shortly after I had decided on this being the source of the smell maintenance came out and was knocking on all the doors. When I opened the door they asked, “Have you noticed an unusual odor?” I almost laughed in their faces. Could they really not smell it?!? After asking a few questions trying to figure out the source of the smell he said that they would have the carpets cleaned and perhaps that would take care of it.
I came home from work that next day(Yes we are on like day 3 of living with this smell) and the apartment building doors were opened and when I walked in the hallway smelled very intensely of Febreeze. At Least the horrible odor was gone I thought but laughed at the way it was handled.
Suddenly I heard that still small voice inside of me. You know who I am talking about, that voice that loves to use everything to teach you something. I very gently heard God speak directly to me that I had a stench in my life. I knew exactly what He was talking about. These were the exact words that I heard….
You know that behavior that you run to when your trying to stuff your feelings. That one that brings you nothing but pain and shame in the end. Until you find the true source of that behavior it will continue to be a stench in your life. Just like the smell in the hallway until the true source of the odor is eliminated that smell will continue to stay and grow stronger. Don’t you know my daughter that your self-seeking is a horrible smell in my nostrils. I desire to remove that stench from you but you have to allow me into those deep dark places of your past.
I have to tell you that I love when God speaks right to the behavior that is keeping me from Him. You see I have a secret behavior, a shameful sin that I have been running to since I was around 4 or 5 years old. Maybe earlier but I definitely remember this sin becoming a release for me at such a young age and I have carried it with me through all these years. It has been that one thing that I have secretly held on to and have ran to over and over again. For the past 2-3 years I have been working on breaking free from the chains of this behavior and have allowed people into this dark area of my life. I have started seeking God for healing in this area. I have opened myself up to being accountable to others in this area. For so many years this was my dirty little secret and now it’s starting to get out into the light. I am started to expose this dark area of my life to God’s healing light. I am allowing Him into those deep, deep wounds inside of me. Yet I was still not willing to go to that place where it all started. I was not willing to open up that area of my life to receive healing. But I know that until I do, until I let God and His healing salve into all of those wounded, infected, stinking areas then I will never find true complete freedom.
Since getting this revelation I have dug in deeper with God in the area. Please continue to lift me up in prayer as I allow Him into those places. I know that I have a ways to go but I also know that His desire is for me to experience complete freedom in Him. I am so grateful for His continued speaking into my life.
Is there an area in your life that is an offensive smell to God? Are you willing to let Him remove the source? Just talk to God! He will reveal anything you want to know.