I could hear those words echoing into the depths of my soul. Those words filled with hatred and rage. They were closing in on me. “You’re worthless! Why can’t you do anything right? What is wrong with you child? You’re tearing this family apart!!” The tears were threatening to spill over onto my cheeks. Desperately trying to keep from exposing my weakness to her I fought back the tears and swallowed the lump in my throat. Just push it down, don’t let them see you hurt I kept telling myself over and over. Yet the screaming continued as the walls were closing in on me. I had to get out of there… I was suffocating.My feet started to move underneath me I grabbed for the backdoor. As I swung open the screen door I couldn’t hold back the hurt any longer. The tears started to stream down my face. I quickly gave my head a shake trying to erase the wetness from my face. I ran across the yard finally reaching my destination. I didn’t know if she was still yelling and at this point it didn’t matter. I knew what I had to do.I reached up and grabbed the rough tree limb above me. With my hands firmly grasping the steady branch I swung my legs up catching my right foot on the branch above. I could feel my body start to relax. I pulled my left foot up to where my right one was, kicking my feet over the branch. Now I was kind of hanging upside down. I had the higher branch resting behind the bend of my knees with my hands still hanging on the branch below. I started pulling myself up until I was sitting on the branch that my legs were on. Taking a few slow deep breaths I forced my body to calm before I continued ascending to my hideaway. What comes to your mind when you hear the word refuge? Do you automatically get a picture in your head of what that looks like? Is it a beach with the waves softly hitting the shore as the sun beats down on you? Is it a room full of books with a comfortable couch and a glass of tea? Is it just the bathroom (without the kids banging on the door) where you can shut the world out for a few minutes? For me when I think of refuge one of the first things that comes to my mind is that tree in my grandparents’ backyard (Shown in picture). Growing up this tree became my safe place, my shelter, my calm from the storm. It shielded me in the summer with its leaves from those who had hurt me. It became a place of protection for me. In 2001 I found myself living in a ministry program trying to find healing after losing my mom. One of the requirements for this program was that I had to memorize scripture. I can’t tell you any of the ones that we did besides Psalm 91. For the first time I heard about God’s protection, maybe He was there with me? All those years that I had ran to that tree for protection yet it was God who was truly holding me in His hand.
Psalm 91
You who sit down in the High God’s presence, spend the night in Shaddai’s shadow, Say this: “God, you’re my refuge. I trust in you and I’m safe!” That’s right—he rescues you from hidden traps, shields you from deadly hazards. His huge outstretched arms protect you— under them you’re perfectly safe; his arms fend off all harm. Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night, not flying arrows in the day, Not disease that prowls through the darkness, not disaster that erupts at high noon. Even though others succumb all around, drop like flies right and left, no harm will even graze you. You’ll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance, watch the wicked turn into corpses. Yes, because God’s your refuge, the High God your very own home, Evil can’t get close to you, harm can’t get through the door. He ordered his angels to guard you wherever you go. If you stumble, they’ll catch you; their job is to keep you from falling. You’ll walk unharmed among lions and snakes, and kick young lions and serpents from the path. “If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God, ”I’ll get you out of any trouble. I’ll give you the best of care if you’ll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times; I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party. I’ll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!” The Message
Today I still spend time climbing trees. This time though Jesus is climbing with me holding my hand as we go up. During my prayer times I have developed a secret place where I go to meet Jesus. A place that is safe from all of my enemies. It’s a place where I can cry freely without any fear. It’s a place of safety and rest. It’s a place where I can connect with my Savior. A place where I feel those warm feelings like I use to as a child sitting in that tree in the backyard. Today I spend time just laughing and running with Jesus. Today that is where my true refuge is. Are you spending time in the refuge of Jesus’ arms? Do you have a secret place where you can get away with just Him? Do you have a place where you can just let loose and allow that child in you to play? If not spend some time developing such a place. It can be whatever you want it to be. Sometimes my secret place has a river running through it but sometimes it doesn’t. The point isn’t to box yourself into a concrete place but instead to just get alone with your Savior. Ask Jesus to come check it out. Invite Him to spend time with you there. I have learned that He loves playing with His children. Many times He just swings me around and around until we fall to the ground laughing. Allow Him to show you some new games. Just let Him love on you in that secret place.
No comments:
Post a Comment