Freedom From Chains Part 2

Last week I shared my downward spiral into addiction. The depths that my addiction took me to was very dark and twisted. However I was given freedom from this despair. This week I want to share the story of how Jesus picked me up out of the hole that I had dug and set my feet on solid ground.
Most of my working career I had found employment in the retail area. During those 7 years that I spent in retail I was blessed with a manager that literally helped change my life. This manager had something that I wanted. Of course at the time I didn’t know what it was about her but I was drawn to her. It was like I just had to open up to her. I had to get to know her. However I knew that I would be risking my job and my supply of dope if I told her the truth. So I started out telling her half truths. Testing the waters to see if I could figure out what it was about her that called to me. Over a period of time it became very clear to me that it was the love of Jesus that was oozing out of her. Yet was it a genuine love or was it just a show? I was determined to find out if she was for real.
Now if you know anything about crystal meth you know that one of the side effects is diarrhea of the mouth. Literally I would talk your head off and then go home and write you a 50 page letter explaining everything I had just shared. No matter how many times I told myself to shut up I just couldn’t keep my mouth closed. One day I went to lunch with this manager. Even though I was so high that there was no way I could even take a single bite of food. I still don’t remember this conversation but I spilled that I was high. Oh yes I told my store manager that I was using illegal drugs and that I was high at work. I had just put myself in a very dangerous position. I knew for certain that I was going to be fired after realizing that she knew about my “secret” life.
However I would quickly find out that God had his hand in our relationship and He was organizing events to fall into place so I could be set free. At this point of my addiction I wanted out I just didn’t have the strength to fight. One of the things that still blows my mind is just the way everything fell into place. Remember when I said that I would spend time watching Christian TV while getting high. Well one of my favorite preachers to watch was Pastor Jim Devney who at the time was pastoring a church in the Center Grove area. Guess where this manager went to church!!! YES!! She was a member of this church that I had spent so many hours watching on TV.
Soon I was going to church with her every once in a while. She was praying for me. She was listening to me when I cried. Most of all she was just loving me. I so desperately needed just a deep overhaul of my life. And I was about to get it even though I didn’t know it at the time.
Even back before I had reached my end with the drugs/alcohol God was planning an out for me. He was providing the way of escape. In 2000 when my mom passed away God brought a women into my life who over the years has shown me the love of a mother. She has loved me unconditionally even when I hated myself. She has spent many hours on the phone with me listening to me cry and rant. She has many wiped tears from my cheeks. She has prayed for me and with me. Investing herself into my life, speaking words of life and healing over me.
During one of our conversations we had when I was using she said something that got my attention. When the words, ”Holly I am going to start praying you get arrested” came out of her mouth I shook. I know that when she prays God hears her and the atmosphere is changed. I knew that she was serious. I knew that she wasn’t going to sit back and just let me kill myself. I had to give up and stop fighting. I had to lay the pipe down.
One Sunday I was going to church with my manager(who is now like a mom to me also and a very good friend). Somewhere inside of me I knew that this was the day. I don’t know how but I just knew that my life was going to change. I spent the little bit of money that I had on a bag of meth. I stayed up all night smoking it. By morning I was flying high. While getting dressed that morning I dropped the pipe in the bathroom sink. It shattered. Desperate to get every little bit of dope I picked up the shards of glass and sucked them clean before throwing them away. I finished getting dressed, sticking my baggie in my pocket for later, I headed to meet her.
This Sunday she was at church alone. Which I know today was totally planned by my Daddy. I don’t remember what the sermon was on I just remember being down at the altar and crying. No more like sobbing uncontrollably and telling her that I needed to go to treatment. We left the church and drove to Fazoli’s for lunch. Neither of us really knowing what the next step was. There was an addictions center on the Southside that we decided to go to. I went to the bathroom and emptied what I had left in the baggie down the toilet. I was so shaking in fear when I got into her car. What would life be like without my friend? Could I survive without it? Was I going to lose my mind? What would the withdrawals look like?
Maybe your chains aren’t drugs or alcohol. Perhaps your chained to the 15 different credit cards that are maxed out in your wallet. You know that sweater was just too cute to pass up and it was 50% off but very quickly it spiraled into a mess of debt. Maybe it’s the thrill of the gamble. A couple of scratch off tickets here, a trip to the gambling boat here. You will only use the $100 in your pocket but once that is gone you return to the ATM over and over again until you walk out with that fear of how are you going to survive until payday. How about a number on a scale? Are you chained to trying to achieve that perfect body? If only you don’t eat soon you will reach 110 lbs. But even when you reach that you are not satisfied. Maybe 100 lbs is the perfect number? If you reach that maybe you will be like the models you see. Maybe it’s the razor blade that you keep in your purse. You know that one that you pull out when things seems overwhelming. You will only make a little cut, nothing too deep. Yet once again you go too deep and need stitches.
It could be that your chain isn’t a behavior at all but an attitude. Has anger taken over you? Do you lash out at people? Maybe it’s shame? How about unforgiveness? Whatever it is that has you bound there is freedom from it!!! God will provide the opportunity for you to be set free!! The question is will you take it?