This week Americans celebrated freedom. We took time to reflect on the independence we gained from the adoption of the Declaration of Independence. We celebrated with fireworks, spending time with friends and family, barbecues, carnivals, parades, and praying for our nation. I spent a lot of time reflecting on another freedom. A freedom that is found in Christ Jesus. Freedom from bondage that kept me bound for many years. For so much of my life there were things that kept me in chains. Behaviors that I participated in that kept me from being who I was called to be. I just want to take the time today to share on one of those things. When I was 11 I started seeking things to take away the pain that I was feeling. I was looking for anything that would numb my emotions. Something that could relieve the destruction that I was feeling on the inside of me. During that year I found an outlet for every negative feeling I was having. I found that when I drank alcohol I didn’t care about anything that was going on around me. It started out innocently just a drink here or there. Like so many I always thought I would have control over it. Yet there came a day when I found myself bound by alcohol and drugs. You see my one beer every once in a while had over the years turned into a hideous monster that I couldn’t wiggle myself away from. Just like so many other sins in my life with every passing day it grew. At the beginning I could take a few sips and step away from it. I didn’t think about drinking all the time. It didn’t consume my every waking moment. As my tolerance for the alcohol increased so did my desire for more. Soon I was drinking large quantities everyday. I was behaving in ways that I would not have sober. I started to drink not to feel better but my goal became to drink as much as quickly as I could so that I could pass out. It became my goal every time I drank to blackout. However with that came some pretty negative consequences. I did not like the hangovers. I was not a fan of the morning headaches or the dried vomit left in my hair or on my clothes. Once again I set out to find something that would be a great escape. That’s when the drugs came in to play. Just like the drinking it started out with just a little weed. Which when I mixed it with the alcohol it became like the perfect match. I didn’t need to drink as much to produce the same effect I wanted when I smoked a joint or two while drinking my whiskey. That was just the start of another dive into a dark place in my life. As it did with just the alcohol my tolerance levels increased and I needed a better high. As the years went on my drug use spiraled out of control. I was drinking less and less just higher proof alcohol. I refused to let anything less than 100 proof or higher pass through my lips. I wasn’t smoking weed anymore either. I had moved on from that. Hitting every possible drug on my way down I finally found what I thought was going to finally be the thing that would take away every ounce of hurt, every bit of shame, and erase every horrible memory. My new love was ice, crank, speed, chicken feed. Crystal meth had come to my rescue. I was able to stay up for days at a time. I was losing weight because I wasn’t eating. My productivity at worked had increased. I finally felt happy. Housework didn’t bother me when I was high. I was able to do all things. Well at least for a few years. Four years after taking my first hit of crank it had taken me to depths that I never wanted to go. I had lost the battle with meth. My life was a mess. The landlord was getting ready to evict me from my apartment. The electricity had long been shut off. I sold my 2000 Dodge Neon for $75 so that I could get more dope. I spent my time around people I didn’t know in places I had no clue where we were. My not sleeping for a few days had turned into me staying up for a week or longer at a time. I started hearing things that weren’t there, seeing things that didn’t exist. The excitement and fun had long wore off.The absolute crazy thing is that at some point I woke up to the fact that this was not what I wanted my life to be like. I did not want to go down this path any farther. I knew in my heart that this was not what I was made for. I made attempts to get clean. I tried to get back onto a straight path. Yet I found that I couldn’t. I was bound. I was chained to this drug. I was caught up in something that I couldn’t get out of. I opened up to women that I trusted about what was going on with me. I spent time praying about the lifestyle I was in. I cried out to God. I would actually sit in front of the tv watching Christian television with my Bible open in front of me and a bag of dope beside me with a pipe and lighter in my hands. I was so desperate to get free yet it scared me too. As horrible as my life was I was at some level comfortable with it. I didn’t want to be comfortable with it. I wanted to be free but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what freedom looked like. A short time later I would find out. I would come to know Jesus as my deliverer. The chains of addiction would fall from me…… Continued next week ;)
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